I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
