i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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