In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The ass gains better be worth it
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