I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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