They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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