Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Randomize
