What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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