You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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