Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
