she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
