need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
