Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
