and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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