It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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