he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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