I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
