it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
