bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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