I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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