My sheets look like a crime scene.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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