Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
