the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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