If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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