i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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