Moan for me like Helen Keller
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
