Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
