If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
