I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
