I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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