is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
