i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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