This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
