What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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