i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
