Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize