How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
