Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
