i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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