ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
