my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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