I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize