I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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