but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
