yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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