We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
