she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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