just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
