I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
