You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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