Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
