didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hate all girls vehemently.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
