you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
