Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
