I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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