I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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