I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
