Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
