Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
