i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
