i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
