Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love having hate sex.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
