hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
