i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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