The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
