party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
