I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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