Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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