think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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