I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
