apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
