The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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