Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
