he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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