trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
