Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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