If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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