If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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